Happy Thanksgiving
I wish you all a very pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.
We have much for which to be thankful.
Each day we are able to rise, smile, go about our way is a blessing.
To All Our Family and Friends
Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day. But...Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the grandkids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyon e will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table, in a separate room, next door.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: 'Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen' to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.
When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor, is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the g iblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains everything.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving and... She probably won't come next year either.
Remember my friends, the original Thanksgiving Tradition is Thanking God for our country where we can freely practice "Worshipi ng our God" as we choose. May God leave stains of love and fellowship on your tablecloth, wherever you are this Thanksgiving and through out the year!
We have much for which to be thankful.
Each day we are able to rise, smile, go about our way is a blessing.
To All Our Family and Friends
Just a note to let you know we are hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day. But...Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the grandkids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyon e will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table, in a separate room, next door.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: 'Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen' to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.
When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor, is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the g iblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains everything.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving and... She probably won't come next year either.
Remember my friends, the original Thanksgiving Tradition is Thanking God for our country where we can freely practice "Worshipi ng our God" as we choose. May God leave stains of love and fellowship on your tablecloth, wherever you are this Thanksgiving and through out the year!
posted by Priscilla @ 7:59 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:12 AM,
Anonymous said…
Happy Thanksgiving to yours cilla. LMAO cute news letter. ty for the warnings!!! lol
jo
At 5:50 AM,
Netter said…
Ah, that was so funny, I was cracking up. Loved the fire alarm part...classic. I'm reminded of the Thanksgiving at My Aunt and Uncles home...the kids were sent to the basement to eat around folding tables. My Uncle hit the bottom of the stairs at the same time that the spoonful of mashed taters hit back of my chair. BUSTED...yeah, his son Jeff had shot the taters at me with his spoon. That is how our take on "the $%@# hit the fan phrase... "The taters hit the chair that year" started. Have a lovely holiday!
At 5:51 AM,
Netter said…
ooops, I had typo issues. I was getting instant messages while I was typing that and it missed some of my puncuation and "that year" should not have been there at all. Oh well.
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